Wednesday, December 7, 2016

paid in full.

Last night at the Gilbert house was kinda rough.

I got up 3 times between 10-1:30 to reinsert the pacifier into my Little Monkey's mouth.
Bless her heart, the transition to our new living space has wrecked her stellar sleep schedule. I get up 4 times a night with her now, and usually she just needs the paci and nothing more.

Well last night at 4:30, I just couldn't get up. I just COULD NOT drag myself out of bed one more time to go put that ridiculous pacifier back in her mouth. Selfishly, I was just so exhausted. So I woke Kyle up {which is a new thing that I'm doing - Because I realize I don't have to be supermom, I have help} and kindly asked him to go put her paci back in. He did so willingly.

While he was gone, I was trying to get renestled back into bed when a shooting pain hits me like a ton of bricks. My left shoulder blade. Like oh my goodness, is it giving birth?!

I ended up sitting straight up in bed {crying} trying to decide it I might actually be able to sleep sitting straight up... Nope. So I moved to the couch... Then tried the bed again. An hour or two, and a few hundred pillows later, I fell asleep.

This morning, I got to thinking about why my shoulder hurt. Reason: I attempted to exercise for the first time in a while yesterday. Apparently, I didn't stretch enough before or after, and voila, probably pulled a muscle.

Why was I exercising? Because I want to be healthy. Truly, I do! And I've been working on making over my mornings and really want to incorporate exercise into this daily routine I have going.

Because I see all these other new moms that look super fabulous! Like, did they even have a baby?! I am so happy for them, truly I am. And I know I shouldn't compare myself to people, but it happens. {Jesus and I are working on it.}

As I sit here with a heating pad on my shoulder, coffee in hand, reading the She Reads Truth Advent devotional for today, I realize that maybe I'm not just exercising to be healthy. Maybe, in a way, I think that working out will help me achieve this perfect standard that I keep setting for myself. 
"Old Testament priests were constantly making payments on a debt they could never eliminate. Only Jesus could mark it paid in full."
This line in the SRT devotional  just struck me today. Even though I know this truth in my heart, my head needs to hear it constantly. I can never eliminate my sin debt by myself. Ever.

No matter whether I keep our house looking like it's out of Southern Living.
No matter whether I dress myself and my Little Monkey in only name brand clothes every day of the week.
No matter whether I start working out and build a world-defined body of perfection.

No matter what I do, I cannot get into Heaven based on my own good works, or my impossibly perfect standard. Only Jesus can pay my debt of sin IN FULL. 

Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, shedding His own blood - that is the only redemption I have for my sinful soul.

And ultimately, that's comforting to me to know that no matter whether I succeed at exercising, or motherhood, or being a wife, there will always be plenty of God's grace to cover my endless list of sin.

So while I invest and strive to live healthier each day, I remind myself that the healthiest investment I can make is in my walk with Jesus. He's the only standard I ever need to meet.

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